NEWS

• Doggie B returns to Monday; meets Ben Brown for the first time. First impressions?: "Good guy."
• A shocking 70% of Monday Clubbers eating simultaneously.
• Luke admits he'd "quite like to eat a badger." This bold statement is followed by the meat sweats.
• Board Game Night gauntlet THROWN DOWN! Games include:
  :: Scrabble
  :: Monopoly
  :: Risk
  :: Battleships
  :: Trivial Pursuit
  :: (Jenga deemed too childish
• We all want to go camping pretty bad...maybe Woolacombe?

Thus concludes the News.

NEWS

:: Alfresco Monday starts outside, then inside because cigarettes were finished and it was cold.

:: First-timer Sheppy got schooled with the rules fast, he was told he wasn't allowed hot chocolate (see rules) and got told off for eating mini cheddars before finishing his pint of coke.

:: When going inside, the regular table was taken!!! Relocated to a table with "I need pussy" graffiti'd on it. Luke Holloway is looking into who put it there....

:: Sheppy "reads" David Beckhams book at the table. Although probably just looked at the pictures.

:: Pestle and mortar genitals - unwanted friction.

:: MONDAY QUOTE: "Never try to fuck a shark."

:: MONDAY QUOTE: "It's all fannygas."

:: CHRIS KELLY BECOMES A VETERAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Congratulations big man, hell of an effort with the dirty pint which consisted of: 1/2 a pint of Tuborg, small glass of red wine, Morgan's Spiced Rum, Johnnie Walker Black Label, Bombay Sapphire, Ray and Nephew, a crumbled up Polo mint and some peanuts. Good Lad. NICKNAME TO FOLLOW.

:: NEW RULE: If you are working towards becoming a veteran but HAVE to miss a Monday for a holiday etc., a photograph of you with a drink in one hand, and that day's paper in the other will be sufficient evidence to warrant a freeze of 'Mondays-in-a-row-Attended'. Therefore on your return you can pick up where you left off.

:: P-P-P-PICKLEFACE P-P-PICKLEFACE!

:: 10:38pm, regular table frees up! YAAY!

::Saville now called "Small Face." Chris Kelly on the other hand has a regular sized head but an enormous face. And moose hair.

:: Luke's nipple looks like a mouse's nose.

:: Newbie Sheppy votes Monkey Butler.

:: Falex says, after a curry, put a toilet roll in the fridge over night for the resultant "hot poos" it's a life saver!

SEE YOU NEXT TIME!

World Cup Fantasy Football?

Co-founder Martin Hall has suggested a bit of summer fun! FIFA World Cup Fantasy Football. Go to http://en.mcdonalds.fantasy.fifa.com, sign up and register. You can pick your team from the 4th of June. There is a Monday Club league too, search for "The League of Monday" code: 318842-75041.

There is to be no money changing hands, it's purely fun!

Also, for the benefit of Luke and Guy, football sucks.

Premier League Predictions RESULTS!

Falex has very kindly worked out the scores:

Here are the Premier League Prediction Results! It was unbelievably close...

In 5th place, the pre-season favourite, BNP! 12pts
4th was rank outsider (after some impossible guesses) Matt! 13pts
In bronze medal position... Doggie B! 14pts
The runner-up, with 15pts, was Spackman!
That just leaves me to announce the winner... ME! :D 16pts! :D

A pretty poor showing from us all considering it was out of 40pts, no one got their star team right and that would have made all the difference. If it had only been on Premier League places then Spax would have one and Matt and I would have been joint last!

A Hollywood ending I know but please feel free to work out the scores yourselves if you don't trust me! :D

Oh and that'll be 5 of her majesty's finest each please :D

AGM Minutes

Monday Club Annual General Meeting Minutes 10/4/10

Monday Clubbers present: Alex Sherman, Michael Moloney, Luke Holloway, Lee Dunham, Ryan Spackman, Beca Brown, Matt Hardy.

Matt Hardy is a douche

Mole toasts Monday Club

Guy hangs up on AGM, Guy hates Monday Club?

BeNP apologises for his absence, he’s out of the country

“Martin Hall” stitched, but we mention no names

Apologies from Guy and John Monday.

Item #1 – Veterancy Qualification

Generally considered by the group that Veterancy should be slightly harder to achieve. Remains 7 in a row but now it is 20 in total.

Item #2 – A reshuffle of Veterancy Roles

Ryan Spackman to be Technical Correspondent.
Chancellor of the Monday Exchequer. Head of collecting money for dirty pints and money holder in Monday Club bets and wagers.
Matt Hardy is the webmaster. www.monday-club.co.uk
NO LAMINATION EVER!

Item #3 – Expansion Plans

Move around The Savoy?
There has only been bad Monday Clubs if we ventured up the stairs so if required we shall expand to the other corner, where the drunk bitches were.

Item #4 – The Future of Monday Club

-no notes-

Item #5 – The creation of a level beyond Veteran

No level above Veteran but there is clarification of pre-Vet attandees; 'Monday Clubber' (anyone the comes to Monday Club, even for the first time), 'Trooper' (Someone semi-regular but not yet a veteran), then 'Veteran'.
There should be no Monday Club leader ever. But should we aim to get more ethnic minorities?

Item #6 – The creation of an independent state governed by Monday Club

LYDIARD ISLAND TO BE TAKEN THIS YEAR. Details to follow. (raft?)

Item #7 – Camping trip

Wanboro? A man who reportedly owns a pub, reportedly lets a field out for campers and reportedly has the pub open all hours.
Beca Brown’s parents own a caravan
Luke re-introduces an old phrase; “Bagsy”. This to be held in the same regards as “Turn around, touch the ground.”

Item #8 – Reading Festival

Excitement is felt throughout Monday Club.
This will be Falex’s 7^th year running. Monday has had a conscious Reading Festival presence for 5 years running.
Everyone should go, but not everyone will.
SPACKMAN MOVING TO LEAMINGTON SPA?!
Most people can’t afford it
Should we go to Bestival? Isle of Wight
Luke Holloway quote of the moment – “I want to dive into some pussy”

Item #9 – A foray into British politics.

Monday Club to take over the world.
Monday Club too racist (not us, the other Monday Club)
Aim for next year’s local elections (2011)

Item #10 – The verification of any rumours on the rumour page

Beca Brown up for MMF FFM 3way.

-BREAKING NEWS- 21:31- Guy calls!!! Doesn't hate Monday Club

Item #11 – The Law of Monday

1. No change

2. No change

3. No change

4. To be rephrased

5. Important – but not technically a law.

6. A) Monday Club Hall of Fame = everyone is special. But BOWG is ace and needs his own story to be told.
b) No change

7. No change

8. No change

9. No change

10. No change

11. No change

12. No more veterancy strikes. However you WILL be frowned upon.

13. No change

Item #12 – The Monday Club philosophy

“Slappa-da-bass.”

Item #13 – Any Other Business

Everyone new to Monday Club will have a picture in the Monday Club Hall of Fame. This also means everyone who doesn’t already.

DEATH ANGELS REJOICE GIG TO BE ANNOUCED SOON.

NEWS

DIGITAL NEWS: Who needs paper?

• Beca Brown warns everybody at the beginning of the night that tension and controversy were going to come at some point.

• There was a small child at MONDAY CLUB, Falex had to be restrained.
  
  
• Guy announces that he will be coming at at some point. Details remain vague.
  
  
• BIG NEWS STORY: Monday Club's Fourth Anniversary! Martin Hall is told to prepare a speech but does NAT deliver.
  
  
• The epic table reorganisation took place so that everyone could fit around comfortably BECAUSE...
  
  
• IT WAS THE BIGGEST MONDAY EVER with a WHOPPING 30 people.
  
  
• Cross table conversation was attempted and was mildly successful.
  
  
• An attempt to find an all-inclusive conversation topic was sought and, after much deliberation, found:
  
  
• FLYING ELEPHANT VS. MONKEY BUTLER? (cast your votes)
  
  
• Twenty Fork.
  
  
• Star Wars Mistakes.

Please Note: due to your humble secretary's decision to drink Old Rosie, the news ends here, however there is some interesting news from the way home which shall be presented as a wall post.

====AGM ON SATURDAY AT FALEX'S HOUSE====

AGM Looms

The Monday Club A.G.M. is set for Saturday 10th April 2010 at Falex's house.