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This Monday will be known as 'Speech Day'

After a full working week in the cryptography lab at Wetherspoon's H.Q. Monday's notes have been deciphered and are presented here, for your consideration. First, a summary of the night and also what happened after the notes became completely indecipherable, then the notes themselves, followed by the memorable speeches.

At least four new faces and a toast to absent friends make it a week of change; with the first taste of Autumn in the air this feels appropriate.

KARAOKE at the KASBAH saw Falex plumb his sensitive depths as he crooned magnificently through a Bonny Tyler song. All were swooning. Mole blew the regulars away with a powerful rendition of 'All Along The Watchtower', McCrizzle posing by his side. It was even dark enough for some girls, evidently impressed by our karaoke skills, to dance with us; it got a bit hot'n'heavy on the dancefloor. Award for 'Monday's Most Desperate Girls' goes to them. In short, Karaoke at The Kasbah was a winner, but only for the true Monday.

Now for the notes, fragmented and incoherent as they are.

Spackman and Beca return triumphant from New Zealand.

His summary of trip: "Cold weather, hot lake --sweating buckets...body shots off of men...we were all sleeping with each other after ten minutes..."

Beca on Kiwi-STDs: "Not in the rainforest! It's ind-ige-nous..."

Michelle 'thankfully-not-on-facebook' Marsi: "Zider gives me zystitis."

[Different handwriting] --Ben being annoying, not happy with attendance. Spax'n'Jon swap world travel stories. Spackman being inbread [sic] spotting in NZ. News kicks in about 10:00 'Peart'. Ryan brings brings to Monday Club. There is nothing like being observant in life.

Alison regales us with tales from the North, of politics and rugby, of the soul casino scene, of true grit and administrative excellence.


SPEECHES NOW

SPAX: "All I learnt from the travels is that Monday provides good cheap beer, and friendship."

BECA: "Monday Club means to me -- a story of true acceptance, whether you are a hawk vaj, a sausage links..."

AMY: "Monday makes me lick faces."

HALL: "You are my church. Why I would walk I don't know, the bus costs a lot of money. MONDAY."

MOLE: "Folklore ordained by the gods of Monday --Men met spontaneously and had many beers, and saw that it was good."

LUKE: "My fellow true Monday Clubbers, there have been many ups but no downs. Luv luv luv & Monday."

BeNP: "I feel I need to lean...Wray & Nephew. Sambuca. Vodka. Knob Creek. Baileys. Worcester Sauce (if you are unlucky). And, of course, if Falex is involved, an arse pube. It was pretty brown, like my four weeks in Tanzania..."

DOGGY B: "Without Monday my life would not be as complete as it otherwise is."

IBM: God Bless Natwest (?)

McCRIZZLE: "This is the only way you can drink on a Monday without being considered an alcomaholic."

BUNDY: "I love Monday Club because I am a racist." (Don't worry Bundy it's not racist if you live in Purton)

BUNDY'S frenz: "45 minutes in...we love Monday Club!"

ALI: "You are all very nice."

HARDY's GIRLFRIEND constructed an equation in lieu of a speech: Savoy (members + veterans) + food x alcohol - any sense/love = Monday Club [note: by '/' I mean divided by, not 'or']

FALEX: (rapping) "Met, Reading, God rest Savlar's soul, really a Monday? Spiked Ben's with a pube and it just grew from there. Racism. Nazism. Spax sausage links. Martin and walks in Freshbrook. Experience? Arrest. Beer & a burger." (the notes don't do justice to his wit and wisdom)

HARDY (thank you Matt for giving your speech on paper):

"What Monday Club Means to Me by Matt Hardy, Aged 22.75, Straight Outta Freshbrook. Bob Geldof once said "I don't like Mondays." What a cock. Anyone that doesn't like meeting with good friends and socialising the night away deserves to be as devoid of humour as he is. Monday Club has transcended this place, this space, these physical bodies and is now a state of mind. At Monday Club you are free. Free to eat, drink and be merry. Free to take in-jokes like BeNP's racism too far and drag them out too long. And more importantly free to smell like Doggy B-iscuits. I love Mondays. It's so engrained in our minds we hardly need to say "club" anymore. It's become at least a seventh (or 14.28571%) of my life. Monday Club is far-reaching, reaching nearly every continent on the planet within the last few weeks alone. And I'd like to take this chance to raise a glass to our fellow Monday Clubbers who are strewn across the globe as we speak:

--Lee

--Guy

--Chris

--BeNP. He came back.

I'll end my talk by going back to the title of this speech, "what DOES Monday Club mean to me?" My simple answer?

It means friendship.
It means laughter.
It means a lot more than I realised before writing this.

Let us never stop, I love Monday Club."

Oinos kai aletheia