NEWS

-Sleepytime Monday! Everyone seemed to be rather tired and some pussies even left early.

-Monday Field Trip? Possibly Isambard Kingdom themed or a night walk around Clifton Suspension Bridge.

-Martin Hall sends his apologies, a first really.

- Doggy B gets BATTERED. He was SO DRUNK.

-Likenesses between a certain Monday couple and Miss Piggy and Kermit were pointed out. See if you can guess who??

-BOWG finds a date! A lady comes over and talks to him about books for a while. Get in there my son.

-LUCY BRINGS AN AMAZING MAZE WHICH KEPT PEOPLE ENTHRALLED FOR A LONG TIME.

-Guy leaves early so the news is short.

--------TWO HAT MONDAY NEXT WEEK---------
-------------BRING TWO HATS----------------
----------------NEXT WEEK------------------

NEWS

It was Storytime Monday! With Falex taking the role of chief storyteller of the evening.

BOWG (briefly) finds a friend

Spackman's Nicknames:
*Ryan "Sauage Links" Spackman*
*Ryan "Mysteron" Spackman*
*Ryan "Rapey-Fingers" Spackman*

Martin Hall has an enforced SKETHROG

Matt sets Guy Up

Beca offers up her slot

BeNP's fashion tip of the week: Black is slimming

HOPE.

Falex's stories finished with him raping Luke at Reading apparently.

Lee RunsUpham

Slaps got slipped reversed (which was awkward)

Rafa hates his job/life and makes this evident by complaining about it to Guy

You Lucky!

Beca has a boozy Shine.

MONDAY CLUB RECOMMENDS: Watch 'Hercules in new York' where Arnie wrestles a bear/Craig Spence.

"History: Mole owns the fact that the privilege that Spackman missed the mandatory lecture"
****NOTE: THIS WAS A DIRECT QUOTE****

Marmite is NOT kosher

Mean is funny

Beca Brown: "You've only felt the fingers!"

Mole says he will not shave his beard from the 20th august (when Guy leaves) until Guy gets back.

FALEX PENNY CHALLENGE WAS PASSED AND THE ENNY WILL BE A NECKLACE SOON...

NEWS

NEWS

• Doggie B returns to Monday; meets Ben Brown for the first time. First impressions?: "Good guy."
• A shocking 70% of Monday Clubbers eating simultaneously.
• Luke admits he'd "quite like to eat a badger." This bold statement is followed by the meat sweats.
• Board Game Night gauntlet THROWN DOWN! Games include:
  :: Scrabble
  :: Monopoly
  :: Risk
  :: Battleships
  :: Trivial Pursuit
  :: (Jenga deemed too childish
• We all want to go camping pretty bad...maybe Woolacombe?

Thus concludes the News.

NEWS

:: Alfresco Monday starts outside, then inside because cigarettes were finished and it was cold.

:: First-timer Sheppy got schooled with the rules fast, he was told he wasn't allowed hot chocolate (see rules) and got told off for eating mini cheddars before finishing his pint of coke.

:: When going inside, the regular table was taken!!! Relocated to a table with "I need pussy" graffiti'd on it. Luke Holloway is looking into who put it there....

:: Sheppy "reads" David Beckhams book at the table. Although probably just looked at the pictures.

:: Pestle and mortar genitals - unwanted friction.

:: MONDAY QUOTE: "Never try to fuck a shark."

:: MONDAY QUOTE: "It's all fannygas."

:: CHRIS KELLY BECOMES A VETERAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Congratulations big man, hell of an effort with the dirty pint which consisted of: 1/2 a pint of Tuborg, small glass of red wine, Morgan's Spiced Rum, Johnnie Walker Black Label, Bombay Sapphire, Ray and Nephew, a crumbled up Polo mint and some peanuts. Good Lad. NICKNAME TO FOLLOW.

:: NEW RULE: If you are working towards becoming a veteran but HAVE to miss a Monday for a holiday etc., a photograph of you with a drink in one hand, and that day's paper in the other will be sufficient evidence to warrant a freeze of 'Mondays-in-a-row-Attended'. Therefore on your return you can pick up where you left off.

:: P-P-P-PICKLEFACE P-P-PICKLEFACE!

:: 10:38pm, regular table frees up! YAAY!

::Saville now called "Small Face." Chris Kelly on the other hand has a regular sized head but an enormous face. And moose hair.

:: Luke's nipple looks like a mouse's nose.

:: Newbie Sheppy votes Monkey Butler.

:: Falex says, after a curry, put a toilet roll in the fridge over night for the resultant "hot poos" it's a life saver!

SEE YOU NEXT TIME!

World Cup Fantasy Football?

Co-founder Martin Hall has suggested a bit of summer fun! FIFA World Cup Fantasy Football. Go to http://en.mcdonalds.fantasy.fifa.com, sign up and register. You can pick your team from the 4th of June. There is a Monday Club league too, search for "The League of Monday" code: 318842-75041.

There is to be no money changing hands, it's purely fun!

Also, for the benefit of Luke and Guy, football sucks.

Premier League Predictions RESULTS!

Falex has very kindly worked out the scores:

Here are the Premier League Prediction Results! It was unbelievably close...

In 5th place, the pre-season favourite, BNP! 12pts
4th was rank outsider (after some impossible guesses) Matt! 13pts
In bronze medal position... Doggie B! 14pts
The runner-up, with 15pts, was Spackman!
That just leaves me to announce the winner... ME! :D 16pts! :D

A pretty poor showing from us all considering it was out of 40pts, no one got their star team right and that would have made all the difference. If it had only been on Premier League places then Spax would have one and Matt and I would have been joint last!

A Hollywood ending I know but please feel free to work out the scores yourselves if you don't trust me! :D

Oh and that'll be 5 of her majesty's finest each please :D