10 October 2010
4 October 2010
NEWS
- Posh News this week - it was written on a childrens menu inside a fancy frame thing. Posh.
- Random heathens in our seats! Mondayers have to relocated 8 feet to the right. Much grumbling.
- Said heathens all got food before finishing their first drink. Monday sacrilege.
- Faxy B likes scatter cushions. He claims to have cushions aplenty in his love dungeon.
- All except Chris and Jon Monday enjoy watching X Factor. Chris said it makes him envy people who are blind and deaf.
- Rachel Adedeji!
- Welsh word for 'microwave' = "pop da ping!"
- Teen wolf carpet arms has got hairier. It's on her hands now.
- Doggie B talks about cars every 45 seconds.
- BeNP gets pennied and refuses to down it. Pussyole.
- BeNP is all about hairy armed girls. As in girls who have hairy arms. Not girls who are hairy and armed.
- After much bullying, BeNP finally downs his pennied pint.
- Spacky desire.
- Heathens leave - original table reclaimed.
- Luke looks like Kim Jong Il.
- Matt gags on a giant chip. No homo.
- Bundog Millionaire.
- Luke heard that some kid can pull his ballbag out of his pocket.
- 'Bring a cake' Monday to be future event?
- Rizzle McCrizzle was "one of the best runners in school, and was in some of the top sets too" according to Lee Davey. (Lee was not present at Monday, RM had bumped into him at the weekend)
- People play Hackysack in Santa Barbara. They do it outside of New College sometimes too.
- Bundy draws Monday Club as an entry to the children's drawing competition. The entry is declined due to casual racism and scenes of a sexual nature.
- Ballcuzzis are discussed at length.
- Jake Monday's veterancy today! Will he pass the dirty pint challenge?
- Jake's veterancy pint:
~ 1/2 pint Carlsberg
~ Jack Daniels
~ Baileys
~ Aftershock (Blue)
~ Gordons Gin
~ Ray & Nephew
~ Vinegar
~ Mayonnaise
~ Tabasco
- One of the worst veterancy pints ever, but he successfully downs it.
Jake Monday is now a Veteran.
...
Three cheers for Bundog Millionaire who is going around the world in a coracle with only Doggin' Biscuits and some scatter cushions for company. We will therefore remember this Monday as
'Bring A Cake Boonday'
- Random heathens in our seats! Mondayers have to relocated 8 feet to the right. Much grumbling.
- Said heathens all got food before finishing their first drink. Monday sacrilege.
- Faxy B likes scatter cushions. He claims to have cushions aplenty in his love dungeon.
- All except Chris and Jon Monday enjoy watching X Factor. Chris said it makes him envy people who are blind and deaf.
- Rachel Adedeji!
- Welsh word for 'microwave' = "pop da ping!"
- Teen wolf carpet arms has got hairier. It's on her hands now.
- Doggie B talks about cars every 45 seconds.
- BeNP gets pennied and refuses to down it. Pussyole.
- BeNP is all about hairy armed girls. As in girls who have hairy arms. Not girls who are hairy and armed.
- After much bullying, BeNP finally downs his pennied pint.
- Spacky desire.
- Heathens leave - original table reclaimed.
- Luke looks like Kim Jong Il.
- Matt gags on a giant chip. No homo.
- Bundog Millionaire.
- Luke heard that some kid can pull his ballbag out of his pocket.
- 'Bring a cake' Monday to be future event?
- Rizzle McCrizzle was "one of the best runners in school, and was in some of the top sets too" according to Lee Davey. (Lee was not present at Monday, RM had bumped into him at the weekend)
- People play Hackysack in Santa Barbara. They do it outside of New College sometimes too.
- Bundy draws Monday Club as an entry to the children's drawing competition. The entry is declined due to casual racism and scenes of a sexual nature.
- Ballcuzzis are discussed at length.
- Jake Monday's veterancy today! Will he pass the dirty pint challenge?
- Jake's veterancy pint:
~ 1/2 pint Carlsberg
~ Jack Daniels
~ Baileys
~ Aftershock (Blue)
~ Gordons Gin
~ Ray & Nephew
~ Vinegar
~ Mayonnaise
~ Tabasco
- One of the worst veterancy pints ever, but he successfully downs it.
Jake Monday is now a Veteran.
...
Three cheers for Bundog Millionaire who is going around the world in a coracle with only Doggin' Biscuits and some scatter cushions for company. We will therefore remember this Monday as
'Bring A Cake Boonday'
27 September 2010
NEWS
- Doggie B came dressed for a funeral. BeNP has never been to one. Matt says they are a party. Dibs on the widow.
- Disneyland sweets courtesy of Bundy.
- Chris has a half pint in a pint glass, filled with ice and fruit to appear like a full man pint. Still a vaginal pint.
- Loadsa womens at Monday. (Monday Clunge)
- Teen wolf carpet arms.
- Lop sided Buddy Holly.
- Muffins galore.
- Rizzle McGrissle.
- Doggie B still has a fax machine.
- Faxy B.
- Luke's nipple still looks like a mouse's nose.
- Pogs.
- Hot drink at Monday! Again! Words were had. They were ignored.
- Becca and Savlar are dole buddies.
- Doggie B can tie a tie. Riotous applause.
- EFFORTS!!!!
- Two half pints of Carlsberg are 1p more expensive than one pint.
- Doggie B invited Luke to his ranch.
- Ranchy B.
- Doggie B looks like David Brent from The Office.
- Doggie Brent.
- Al Murray at Monday.
- Chris is Neil from the Inbetweeners.
- Phone sex. Vibratinz.
- Dogback Mountain.
- Disneyland sweets courtesy of Bundy.
- Chris has a half pint in a pint glass, filled with ice and fruit to appear like a full man pint. Still a vaginal pint.
- Loadsa womens at Monday. (Monday Clunge)
- Teen wolf carpet arms.
- Lop sided Buddy Holly.
- Muffins galore.
- Rizzle McGrissle.
- Doggie B still has a fax machine.
- Faxy B.
- Luke's nipple still looks like a mouse's nose.
- Pogs.
- Hot drink at Monday! Again! Words were had. They were ignored.
- Becca and Savlar are dole buddies.
- Doggie B can tie a tie. Riotous applause.
- EFFORTS!!!!
- Two half pints of Carlsberg are 1p more expensive than one pint.
- Doggie B invited Luke to his ranch.
- Ranchy B.
- Doggie B looks like David Brent from The Office.
- Doggie Brent.
- Al Murray at Monday.
- Chris is Neil from the Inbetweeners.
- Phone sex. Vibratinz.
- Dogback Mountain.
20 September 2010
NEWS
-- BeNP + John Monday are not MEN!! (Jon ordered fruit Kopparberg + is less manly than Ben + most women [Guinness is manliest, but 'tis no Old Rosie])
-- Doggie B got a text
-- (Then got beaten up in Park North for his pizza after opening his window to a comely chav)
-- From now on he will be known as 'Dogging B'.
-- Chrisps' belated birthday Monday Club. 23 yesterday. Elderly. But buff nuff.
-- Matt is buying a horse that he hasn't seen. He has a cake to well. (Trowel?)
-- Next Monday is : - ' NO CAR MONDAY ' (According to D. Biscuits)
-- Chocolate fudge cake is confirmed as THE Monday food.
-- Matt cuts his own cool. Probably cuts his own hair too.
-- Curry B.
-- Nelson Mandela directed Kidulthood.
- Anon. in shock: "Are you eating mayonnaise by itself??"
- Jake in poverty: "Yeah."
- Luke in mirth: "And you call me saucy..."
- Bundy in despair: "At least put some ketchup with it!!"
-- Jake drinks six sachets of vinegar, says "I like it" afterwards.
-- Exception to Monday rule discussed with regards to Bundy's veterancy. This will now take place during an unspecified BUNDAY CLUB.
-- Meal to celebrate the life + times of . . . . . BUNDAY!
[Big gap for illegible 'Old Rosie' scrawl]
--- Doggy will become a shit Elvis Presley impersonator.
-- Chrisps hits on moody women.
-- Jake 'the plank' Monday: "Why the long face, Chrisps?"
-- Thoughts are of a Monday festival trip. Bruno behind the bar, "I'll come to Glastonbury with you as long as it doesn't interfere with Monday Club."
Overall, a great Monday considering low expectations for attendance. Account of the news more faithful to the notes than usual. And thank you for the lift, Doggin' Biscuits!
"Orange is the colour of madness"
-- Doggie B got a text
-- (Then got beaten up in Park North for his pizza after opening his window to a comely chav)
-- From now on he will be known as 'Dogging B'.
-- Chrisps' belated birthday Monday Club. 23 yesterday. Elderly. But buff nuff.
-- Matt is buying a horse that he hasn't seen. He has a cake to well. (Trowel?)
-- Next Monday is : - ' NO CAR MONDAY ' (According to D. Biscuits)
-- Chocolate fudge cake is confirmed as THE Monday food.
-- Matt cuts his own cool. Probably cuts his own hair too.
-- Curry B.
-- Nelson Mandela directed Kidulthood.
- Anon. in shock: "Are you eating mayonnaise by itself??"
- Jake in poverty: "Yeah."
- Luke in mirth: "And you call me saucy..."
- Bundy in despair: "At least put some ketchup with it!!"
-- Jake drinks six sachets of vinegar, says "I like it" afterwards.
-- Exception to Monday rule discussed with regards to Bundy's veterancy. This will now take place during an unspecified BUNDAY CLUB.
-- Meal to celebrate the life + times of . . . . . BUNDAY!
[Big gap for illegible 'Old Rosie' scrawl]
--- Doggy will become a shit Elvis Presley impersonator.
-- Chrisps hits on moody women.
-- Jake 'the plank' Monday: "Why the long face, Chrisps?"
-- Thoughts are of a Monday festival trip. Bruno behind the bar, "I'll come to Glastonbury with you as long as it doesn't interfere with Monday Club."
Overall, a great Monday considering low expectations for attendance. Account of the news more faithful to the notes than usual. And thank you for the lift, Doggin' Biscuits!
"Orange is the colour of madness"
13 September 2010
NEWS
- Monday mourns the loss of many members to uni/work. It is the hardy few who remain.
- It was decided that 20th December is dedicated CHRISTMAS MONDAY with a pre-booked xmas meal at the Savoy. More details to come.
- Chris Kelly returns! He is an unsuitable P.E. learning, unemployed version of his brother. His brother probably has a massive penis, although unusually tiny feet for a man of his size.
- 2 x Bruno behind the bar.
- BOWG has a friend, in shorts. He also ordered a chicken gourmet burger. This was considered controversial.
- Cum is just food for sperm, which weezes as it dies.
- Cumming like a hose is not natural.
- Luke bums Leonardo Di Caprio.
- Jake is now named 'Jake Monday' as we only see him on
a monday.
- It is feared that Doggy's household have got stuck in the 1980's as they possess a fax machine. It is rumoured that they all own shit wigs and listen to ABBA.
- It was decided that 20th December is dedicated CHRISTMAS MONDAY with a pre-booked xmas meal at the Savoy. More details to come.
- Chris Kelly returns! He is an unsuitable P.E. learning, unemployed version of his brother. His brother probably has a massive penis, although unusually tiny feet for a man of his size.
- 2 x Bruno behind the bar.
- BOWG has a friend, in shorts. He also ordered a chicken gourmet burger. This was considered controversial.
- Cum is just food for sperm, which weezes as it dies.
- Cumming like a hose is not natural.
- Luke bums Leonardo Di Caprio.
- Jake is now named 'Jake Monday' as we only see him on
a monday.
- It is feared that Doggy's household have got stuck in the 1980's as they possess a fax machine. It is rumoured that they all own shit wigs and listen to ABBA.
6 September 2010
NEWS
Trendy newbies jump on the Monday bandwagon only to fall off long before last orders. Deadly Psychic Monday powers were directed at them. Matt got defensive at the stroke of 9, hastening their demise. The one up, one down game proved beyond their collective intellect.
They were:
Beads, Ginger, Stripey and Denim Shirt. They are in a band together. Beads "the biggest dickhead" failed to down a small glass of Pimm's and cried. The under aged Ginger (17) had to be dragged out of the toilets where he was slumped in his own vomit singing "I'm a Little Tea Pot". Lee instructs him to "Fly your Nimbus 2000 home Ron Weaslie". The episode just goes to show that you don't bring 12 year olds to the pub. Stripey is from Manchester; "Why are you from Manchester?" (Lee)Denim Shirt swallowed a 2 pence piece and we decided not to clean our teeth with our jeans.
JAEGER-TWAT PIMM'S-O-CLOCK
"My hair is the black bit of my black albino body"
After the kids klub krew were defeated, Monday took to the streets of Swindon town, where we got rained on and watched the big screen hum and emit strange electromagnetic frequencies. Once again Monday doesn't end until well after three in the morning.
Bundy took most of the notes as she is "the best at writing and everyone loves Bundy + Annie + Michelle at Monday Club! xxx"
They were:
Beads, Ginger, Stripey and Denim Shirt. They are in a band together. Beads "the biggest dickhead" failed to down a small glass of Pimm's and cried. The under aged Ginger (17) had to be dragged out of the toilets where he was slumped in his own vomit singing "I'm a Little Tea Pot". Lee instructs him to "Fly your Nimbus 2000 home Ron Weaslie". The episode just goes to show that you don't bring 12 year olds to the pub. Stripey is from Manchester; "Why are you from Manchester?" (Lee)Denim Shirt swallowed a 2 pence piece and we decided not to clean our teeth with our jeans.
JAEGER-TWAT PIMM'S-O-CLOCK
"My hair is the black bit of my black albino body"
After the kids klub krew were defeated, Monday took to the streets of Swindon town, where we got rained on and watched the big screen hum and emit strange electromagnetic frequencies. Once again Monday doesn't end until well after three in the morning.
Bundy took most of the notes as she is "the best at writing and everyone loves Bundy + Annie + Michelle at Monday Club! xxx"
30 August 2010
NEWS
This Monday will be known as 'Psychic Food Day'
Everyone was hungry and ate well, especially the weary Reading festival contingent. Enhanced powers of foresight were conferred upon the gluttonous. This extended to accurate predictions of next Monday through the door.
Following the foody theme, jam was brought by a new Monday. It was damsen-based and motherly.
A bet was made concerning the next monarch of England. Doggy B wins if it's anyone other than Cheeky Charlie.
Someone (Shep?) got bitten on the nipple by a rabbit and discussed this at length with graphic demonstrations. "At least you got that off your chest", said witty Jake.
Sounds as if Monday the 6th will be a big one!
Everyone was hungry and ate well, especially the weary Reading festival contingent. Enhanced powers of foresight were conferred upon the gluttonous. This extended to accurate predictions of next Monday through the door.
Following the foody theme, jam was brought by a new Monday. It was damsen-based and motherly.
A bet was made concerning the next monarch of England. Doggy B wins if it's anyone other than Cheeky Charlie.
Someone (Shep?) got bitten on the nipple by a rabbit and discussed this at length with graphic demonstrations. "At least you got that off your chest", said witty Jake.
Sounds as if Monday the 6th will be a big one!
23 August 2010
News
This Monday will be known as 'Speech Day'
After a full working week in the cryptography lab at Wetherspoon's H.Q. Monday's notes have been deciphered and are presented here, for your consideration. First, a summary of the night and also what happened after the notes became completely indecipherable, then the notes themselves, followed by the memorable speeches.
At least four new faces and a toast to absent friends make it a week of change; with the first taste of Autumn in the air this feels appropriate.
KARAOKE at the KASBAH saw Falex plumb his sensitive depths as he crooned magnificently through a Bonny Tyler song. All were swooning. Mole blew the regulars away with a powerful rendition of 'All Along The Watchtower', McCrizzle posing by his side. It was even dark enough for some girls, evidently impressed by our karaoke skills, to dance with us; it got a bit hot'n'heavy on the dancefloor. Award for 'Monday's Most Desperate Girls' goes to them. In short, Karaoke at The Kasbah was a winner, but only for the true Monday.
Now for the notes, fragmented and incoherent as they are.
Spackman and Beca return triumphant from New Zealand.
His summary of trip: "Cold weather, hot lake --sweating buckets...body shots off of men...we were all sleeping with each other after ten minutes..."
Beca on Kiwi-STDs: "Not in the rainforest! It's ind-ige-nous..."
Michelle 'thankfully-not-on-facebook' Marsi: "Zider gives me zystitis."
[Different handwriting] --Ben being annoying, not happy with attendance. Spax'n'Jon swap world travel stories. Spackman being inbread [sic] spotting in NZ. News kicks in about 10:00 'Peart'. Ryan brings brings to Monday Club. There is nothing like being observant in life.
Alison regales us with tales from the North, of politics and rugby, of the soul casino scene, of true grit and administrative excellence.
SPEECHES NOW
SPAX: "All I learnt from the travels is that Monday provides good cheap beer, and friendship."
BECA: "Monday Club means to me -- a story of true acceptance, whether you are a hawk vaj, a sausage links..."
AMY: "Monday makes me lick faces."
HALL: "You are my church. Why I would walk I don't know, the bus costs a lot of money. MONDAY."
MOLE: "Folklore ordained by the gods of Monday --Men met spontaneously and had many beers, and saw that it was good."
LUKE: "My fellow true Monday Clubbers, there have been many ups but no downs. Luv luv luv & Monday."
BeNP: "I feel I need to lean...Wray & Nephew. Sambuca. Vodka. Knob Creek. Baileys. Worcester Sauce (if you are unlucky). And, of course, if Falex is involved, an arse pube. It was pretty brown, like my four weeks in Tanzania..."
DOGGY B: "Without Monday my life would not be as complete as it otherwise is."
IBM: God Bless Natwest (?)
McCRIZZLE: "This is the only way you can drink on a Monday without being considered an alcomaholic."
BUNDY: "I love Monday Club because I am a racist." (Don't worry Bundy it's not racist if you live in Purton)
BUNDY'S frenz: "45 minutes in...we love Monday Club!"
ALI: "You are all very nice."
HARDY's GIRLFRIEND constructed an equation in lieu of a speech: Savoy (members + veterans) + food x alcohol - any sense/love = Monday Club [note: by '/' I mean divided by, not 'or']
FALEX: (rapping) "Met, Reading, God rest Savlar's soul, really a Monday? Spiked Ben's with a pube and it just grew from there. Racism. Nazism. Spax sausage links. Martin and walks in Freshbrook. Experience? Arrest. Beer & a burger." (the notes don't do justice to his wit and wisdom)
HARDY (thank you Matt for giving your speech on paper):
"What Monday Club Means to Me by Matt Hardy, Aged 22.75, Straight Outta Freshbrook. Bob Geldof once said "I don't like Mondays." What a cock. Anyone that doesn't like meeting with good friends and socialising the night away deserves to be as devoid of humour as he is. Monday Club has transcended this place, this space, these physical bodies and is now a state of mind. At Monday Club you are free. Free to eat, drink and be merry. Free to take in-jokes like BeNP's racism too far and drag them out too long. And more importantly free to smell like Doggy B-iscuits. I love Mondays. It's so engrained in our minds we hardly need to say "club" anymore. It's become at least a seventh (or 14.28571%) of my life. Monday Club is far-reaching, reaching nearly every continent on the planet within the last few weeks alone. And I'd like to take this chance to raise a glass to our fellow Monday Clubbers who are strewn across the globe as we speak:
--Lee
--Guy
--Chris
--BeNP. He came back.
I'll end my talk by going back to the title of this speech, "what DOES Monday Club mean to me?" My simple answer?
It means friendship.
It means laughter.
It means a lot more than I realised before writing this.
Let us never stop, I love Monday Club."
Oinos kai aletheia
After a full working week in the cryptography lab at Wetherspoon's H.Q. Monday's notes have been deciphered and are presented here, for your consideration. First, a summary of the night and also what happened after the notes became completely indecipherable, then the notes themselves, followed by the memorable speeches.
At least four new faces and a toast to absent friends make it a week of change; with the first taste of Autumn in the air this feels appropriate.
KARAOKE at the KASBAH saw Falex plumb his sensitive depths as he crooned magnificently through a Bonny Tyler song. All were swooning. Mole blew the regulars away with a powerful rendition of 'All Along The Watchtower', McCrizzle posing by his side. It was even dark enough for some girls, evidently impressed by our karaoke skills, to dance with us; it got a bit hot'n'heavy on the dancefloor. Award for 'Monday's Most Desperate Girls' goes to them. In short, Karaoke at The Kasbah was a winner, but only for the true Monday.
Now for the notes, fragmented and incoherent as they are.
Spackman and Beca return triumphant from New Zealand.
His summary of trip: "Cold weather, hot lake --sweating buckets...body shots off of men...we were all sleeping with each other after ten minutes..."
Beca on Kiwi-STDs: "Not in the rainforest! It's ind-ige-nous..."
Michelle 'thankfully-not-on-facebook' Marsi: "Zider gives me zystitis."
[Different handwriting] --Ben being annoying, not happy with attendance. Spax'n'Jon swap world travel stories. Spackman being inbread [sic] spotting in NZ. News kicks in about 10:00 'Peart'. Ryan brings brings to Monday Club. There is nothing like being observant in life.
Alison regales us with tales from the North, of politics and rugby, of the soul casino scene, of true grit and administrative excellence.
SPEECHES NOW
SPAX: "All I learnt from the travels is that Monday provides good cheap beer, and friendship."
BECA: "Monday Club means to me -- a story of true acceptance, whether you are a hawk vaj, a sausage links..."
AMY: "Monday makes me lick faces."
HALL: "You are my church. Why I would walk I don't know, the bus costs a lot of money. MONDAY."
MOLE: "Folklore ordained by the gods of Monday --Men met spontaneously and had many beers, and saw that it was good."
LUKE: "My fellow true Monday Clubbers, there have been many ups but no downs. Luv luv luv & Monday."
BeNP: "I feel I need to lean...Wray & Nephew. Sambuca. Vodka. Knob Creek. Baileys. Worcester Sauce (if you are unlucky). And, of course, if Falex is involved, an arse pube. It was pretty brown, like my four weeks in Tanzania..."
DOGGY B: "Without Monday my life would not be as complete as it otherwise is."
IBM: God Bless Natwest (?)
McCRIZZLE: "This is the only way you can drink on a Monday without being considered an alcomaholic."
BUNDY: "I love Monday Club because I am a racist." (Don't worry Bundy it's not racist if you live in Purton)
BUNDY'S frenz: "45 minutes in...we love Monday Club!"
ALI: "You are all very nice."
HARDY's GIRLFRIEND constructed an equation in lieu of a speech: Savoy (members + veterans) + food x alcohol - any sense/love = Monday Club [note: by '/' I mean divided by, not 'or']
FALEX: (rapping) "Met, Reading, God rest Savlar's soul, really a Monday? Spiked Ben's with a pube and it just grew from there. Racism. Nazism. Spax sausage links. Martin and walks in Freshbrook. Experience? Arrest. Beer & a burger." (the notes don't do justice to his wit and wisdom)
HARDY (thank you Matt for giving your speech on paper):
"What Monday Club Means to Me by Matt Hardy, Aged 22.75, Straight Outta Freshbrook. Bob Geldof once said "I don't like Mondays." What a cock. Anyone that doesn't like meeting with good friends and socialising the night away deserves to be as devoid of humour as he is. Monday Club has transcended this place, this space, these physical bodies and is now a state of mind. At Monday Club you are free. Free to eat, drink and be merry. Free to take in-jokes like BeNP's racism too far and drag them out too long. And more importantly free to smell like Doggy B-iscuits. I love Mondays. It's so engrained in our minds we hardly need to say "club" anymore. It's become at least a seventh (or 14.28571%) of my life. Monday Club is far-reaching, reaching nearly every continent on the planet within the last few weeks alone. And I'd like to take this chance to raise a glass to our fellow Monday Clubbers who are strewn across the globe as we speak:
--Lee
--Guy
--Chris
--BeNP. He came back.
I'll end my talk by going back to the title of this speech, "what DOES Monday Club mean to me?" My simple answer?
It means friendship.
It means laughter.
It means a lot more than I realised before writing this.
Let us never stop, I love Monday Club."
Oinos kai aletheia
16 August 2010
NEWS?
OK I am just going to copy this because it deleted my prevyuz thing.
Guy's Femme-nine feline behin the bar. Bundy's new hip-hop Jungle Book, "walk like a motherfucking Egyptian". Bundy closes her ear-flaps to the disgruntled truth about Walt "a friend to all children" Disney. Ben BNP Peart Shat on top of Killimanjaro. He looked ill and we discussed trilogies. Bundy is really called Floriadh, and we respect her for it, even though she is not Irish. Reggae Reggae Cabbie. Jambalya on the bayou eh hecho en mexico. Bundy's rosy cheeks reflect her inner torment and our passion/ Cillit Bang! Lucy's Big Day! Lager, Wray & Nephews', Malibu, Morgan Spiced Rum (taste of drumsticks), Bombay Sapphire, Blue WKD...) ZEUS SAYS JUST SAY NO, the sexual revolution never happened. Pottery Lucy? Lucy "queer as" Foakes. The Foakes Process. --Head of all arty-fartyness. FOLK STATE.
Guy's Femme-nine feline behin the bar. Bundy's new hip-hop Jungle Book, "walk like a motherfucking Egyptian". Bundy closes her ear-flaps to the disgruntled truth about Walt "a friend to all children" Disney. Ben BNP Peart Shat on top of Killimanjaro. He looked ill and we discussed trilogies. Bundy is really called Floriadh, and we respect her for it, even though she is not Irish. Reggae Reggae Cabbie. Jambalya on the bayou eh hecho en mexico. Bundy's rosy cheeks reflect her inner torment and our passion/ Cillit Bang! Lucy's Big Day! Lager, Wray & Nephews', Malibu, Morgan Spiced Rum (taste of drumsticks), Bombay Sapphire, Blue WKD...) ZEUS SAYS JUST SAY NO, the sexual revolution never happened. Pottery Lucy? Lucy "queer as" Foakes. The Foakes Process. --Head of all arty-fartyness. FOLK STATE.
9 August 2010
NEWS
The simmer is building around Guy's emigration, thoughts are of a Mexican theme for next week with potential Tequila-based repercussions.
Also for next week: SECRET SANTA prep.
The 'Blue Monday' theme was suavely acknowledged. Muted clothing kept spirits smooth.
This atypical aura of sophistication was enhanced by the proliferation of BOW. Can we see, in BOWG, some grey future steadily creeping towards us?
Nathan reveals his barbarous ancestry by not adhering to the measurements specified on the GOW.
Wine soaked salivations dappled the sticky table-top as we meditated on MILF, following Bundy's diaphragm expansion technique. The conclusion was that life is made of carbon, which is a German beer (?), and that the unfilmed episodes of the Star Wars space opera are more interesting than sex. This is why Buddhists go bald.
The unspoken fantasy provoked by Martin's continental adventures was a Monday Club opera trip. As long as it is not to Evita because the Argies have it in for us.
"Don't cry for me, Mexico"
Bundy, in her role as landscape artist, lays down detailed plans for the conversion of Britain's beaches from irritating sand and salt water to luxurious grass and concrete. "Even mud is better than sand" --one of her many pearls of wisdom.
"Bundy rhymes with Munday" --less pearly wisdom.
PIMM'S O'CLOCK was triumphantly announced by Chris Ashbolt. Refreshment abounded.
Sean Haines is considered for "Monday's Whitest Man", or "Squarest Honky on The Block". Then we realised he is probably one of the least white people at Monday Club, which bodes ill for the rest of us.
Old Rosie remains the supreme drink of Monday.
There was more but, for now, the rest is silence...dirty silence.
Also for next week: SECRET SANTA prep.
The 'Blue Monday' theme was suavely acknowledged. Muted clothing kept spirits smooth.
This atypical aura of sophistication was enhanced by the proliferation of BOW. Can we see, in BOWG, some grey future steadily creeping towards us?
Nathan reveals his barbarous ancestry by not adhering to the measurements specified on the GOW.
Wine soaked salivations dappled the sticky table-top as we meditated on MILF, following Bundy's diaphragm expansion technique. The conclusion was that life is made of carbon, which is a German beer (?), and that the unfilmed episodes of the Star Wars space opera are more interesting than sex. This is why Buddhists go bald.
The unspoken fantasy provoked by Martin's continental adventures was a Monday Club opera trip. As long as it is not to Evita because the Argies have it in for us.
"Don't cry for me, Mexico"
Bundy, in her role as landscape artist, lays down detailed plans for the conversion of Britain's beaches from irritating sand and salt water to luxurious grass and concrete. "Even mud is better than sand" --one of her many pearls of wisdom.
"Bundy rhymes with Munday" --less pearly wisdom.
PIMM'S O'CLOCK was triumphantly announced by Chris Ashbolt. Refreshment abounded.
Sean Haines is considered for "Monday's Whitest Man", or "Squarest Honky on The Block". Then we realised he is probably one of the least white people at Monday Club, which bodes ill for the rest of us.
Old Rosie remains the supreme drink of Monday.
There was more but, for now, the rest is silence...dirty silence.
26 July 2010
NEWS
-2 HATS MONDAY IS A RESOUNDING SUCCESS: 100% of attendees bring two pieces of headgear and it was wonderful. Although Guy did bitch at one point because it was VERY WARM in the Savoy.
-The evening was brought to a musical beginning with Guy's rendition of the Hokey Kokey in Spanish and Falex's Head, Shoulders Knees and Toes in French
-Doggy B informs that he has MYSTERY NEWS to be revealed later in the night.
-As previously mentioned, it was VERY WARM in the Savoy so MONDAY CLUB MOVED OUTSIDE.
-Rizzle McCrizzle takes over the news:
Doggy B wears all the hats wich gives him nicotine cravings. THUS hats are deadly.
Bundy's kids gave her chocolate, Bundy gave Monday Chocolate. Mole: "God Bless Bundy's kids"
The decided order on Miniture Heroes is as follows:
Dairy Milk
Twirl
Twisted Sister (?)
Caramel Bunny Supreme
Chocolate Eclairs
Fudge
Bourneville
Not all were in agreement.
Is Bourneville truly dark?
Is Bundy just racist
Alton Towers has progressed a lot over the years but Thorpe Park has the most Loops
Are Ghosts real? They certainly make Guy cry. Mole proposes a control group test on a haunted house to find out FOR CERTAIN.
Falex, never one to beat around the bush, talks of the inconvenient rapey truth involved in Bernard's Watch. IF A TREE FALLS IN THE WOODS DOES IT MAKE A SOUND?
Martin Hall is a Dutch Mountie
The Gospel according to Bundy:
One must ALWAYS suck a twirl and Suck tea through a chocolate wafer
Doggy B MUST be an assistance dog or they wouldn't let hi into the savoy
END OF PART ONE
-The evening was brought to a musical beginning with Guy's rendition of the Hokey Kokey in Spanish and Falex's Head, Shoulders Knees and Toes in French
-Doggy B informs that he has MYSTERY NEWS to be revealed later in the night.
-As previously mentioned, it was VERY WARM in the Savoy so MONDAY CLUB MOVED OUTSIDE.
-Rizzle McCrizzle takes over the news:
Doggy B wears all the hats wich gives him nicotine cravings. THUS hats are deadly.
Bundy's kids gave her chocolate, Bundy gave Monday Chocolate. Mole: "God Bless Bundy's kids"
The decided order on Miniture Heroes is as follows:
Dairy Milk
Twirl
Twisted Sister (?)
Caramel Bunny Supreme
Chocolate Eclairs
Fudge
Bourneville
Not all were in agreement.
Is Bourneville truly dark?
Is Bundy just racist
Alton Towers has progressed a lot over the years but Thorpe Park has the most Loops
Are Ghosts real? They certainly make Guy cry. Mole proposes a control group test on a haunted house to find out FOR CERTAIN.
Falex, never one to beat around the bush, talks of the inconvenient rapey truth involved in Bernard's Watch. IF A TREE FALLS IN THE WOODS DOES IT MAKE A SOUND?
Martin Hall is a Dutch Mountie
The Gospel according to Bundy:
One must ALWAYS suck a twirl and Suck tea through a chocolate wafer
Doggy B MUST be an assistance dog or they wouldn't let hi into the savoy
END OF PART ONE
19 July 2010
NEWS
-Sleepytime Monday! Everyone seemed to be rather tired and some pussies even left early.
-Monday Field Trip? Possibly Isambard Kingdom themed or a night walk around Clifton Suspension Bridge.
-Martin Hall sends his apologies, a first really.
- Doggy B gets BATTERED. He was SO DRUNK.
-Likenesses between a certain Monday couple and Miss Piggy and Kermit were pointed out. See if you can guess who??
-BOWG finds a date! A lady comes over and talks to him about books for a while. Get in there my son.
-LUCY BRINGS AN AMAZING MAZE WHICH KEPT PEOPLE ENTHRALLED FOR A LONG TIME.
-Guy leaves early so the news is short.
--------TWO HAT MONDAY NEXT WEEK---------
-------------BRING TWO HATS----------------
----------------NEXT WEEK------------------
-Monday Field Trip? Possibly Isambard Kingdom themed or a night walk around Clifton Suspension Bridge.
-Martin Hall sends his apologies, a first really.
- Doggy B gets BATTERED. He was SO DRUNK.
-Likenesses between a certain Monday couple and Miss Piggy and Kermit were pointed out. See if you can guess who??
-BOWG finds a date! A lady comes over and talks to him about books for a while. Get in there my son.
-LUCY BRINGS AN AMAZING MAZE WHICH KEPT PEOPLE ENTHRALLED FOR A LONG TIME.
-Guy leaves early so the news is short.
--------TWO HAT MONDAY NEXT WEEK---------
-------------BRING TWO HATS----------------
----------------NEXT WEEK------------------
12 July 2010
NEWS
It was Storytime Monday! With Falex taking the role of chief storyteller of the evening.
BOWG (briefly) finds a friend
Spackman's Nicknames:
*Ryan "Sauage Links" Spackman*
*Ryan "Mysteron" Spackman*
*Ryan "Rapey-Fingers" Spackman*
Martin Hall has an enforced SKETHROG
Matt sets Guy Up
Beca offers up her slot
BeNP's fashion tip of the week: Black is slimming
HOPE.
Falex's stories finished with him raping Luke at Reading apparently.
Lee RunsUpham
Slaps got slipped reversed (which was awkward)
Rafa hates his job/life and makes this evident by complaining about it to Guy
You Lucky!
Beca has a boozy Shine.
MONDAY CLUB RECOMMENDS: Watch 'Hercules in new York' where Arnie wrestles a bear/Craig Spence.
"History: Mole owns the fact that the privilege that Spackman missed the mandatory lecture"
****NOTE: THIS WAS A DIRECT QUOTE****
Marmite is NOT kosher
Mean is funny
Beca Brown: "You've only felt the fingers!"
Mole says he will not shave his beard from the 20th august (when Guy leaves) until Guy gets back.
FALEX PENNY CHALLENGE WAS PASSED AND THE ENNY WILL BE A NECKLACE SOON...
BOWG (briefly) finds a friend
Spackman's Nicknames:
*Ryan "Sauage Links" Spackman*
*Ryan "Mysteron" Spackman*
*Ryan "Rapey-Fingers" Spackman*
Martin Hall has an enforced SKETHROG
Matt sets Guy Up
Beca offers up her slot
BeNP's fashion tip of the week: Black is slimming
HOPE.
Falex's stories finished with him raping Luke at Reading apparently.
Lee RunsUpham
Slaps got slipped reversed (which was awkward)
Rafa hates his job/life and makes this evident by complaining about it to Guy
You Lucky!
Beca has a boozy Shine.
MONDAY CLUB RECOMMENDS: Watch 'Hercules in new York' where Arnie wrestles a bear/Craig Spence.
"History: Mole owns the fact that the privilege that Spackman missed the mandatory lecture"
****NOTE: THIS WAS A DIRECT QUOTE****
Marmite is NOT kosher
Mean is funny
Beca Brown: "You've only felt the fingers!"
Mole says he will not shave his beard from the 20th august (when Guy leaves) until Guy gets back.
FALEX PENNY CHALLENGE WAS PASSED AND THE ENNY WILL BE A NECKLACE SOON...
5 July 2010
NEWS
The long awaited NEWS IS HERE.
This week, a new way of recording the news was attempted. Namely, recording it. The following is a transcript of the various reports that were made throughout the evening.
Part I
Guy: 5th July 2010 8 o'clock, Monday Club News.
Gingers do not reply to texts. More from me later.
From before that we had "Kinder Egg Fury" (where an ingenious game involving kinder egg toy holders were bounced into pint glasses).
Matt: Uhhhm... Ben called Spackman 'Orange' to his face... just horrible.
<<>>
Guy: Chocolate and Chips: the wise man's choice
Part II
Guy: DoggyB is in New'astle...like
Part III
Guy: NO NEW NEWS... as of yet
Guy: 9pm BOWG has left. It was witnessed by... a number of people. there was an awed silence.
Guy: Falex is getting fresh with Beca Brown... uhm, when Spackman is not around... which is... [muffled voice]... I beg your pardon? [muffled voice] Falex has also forgotten his name.
Guy: RAVE OF WACISM...Wait no wait... Wave of Racism Sweeps through Monday Club and is GONE. HOPEFULLY. Ps. Chris Ashbolt started it. The Raves of Wacism.
Part IV: There was an altercation involving a drunken woman and her refusal to leave the Savoy. Mole witnessed all and described the scene as a RUCKUS.
Lucy describes the new style of taking the news as "Hi-Tech" most people agreed.
Mole: Next week: Bundy to Monday?
Falex wants to play quidditch. The Loser.
The lad who climbed walls with hoovers (and was 10 years old) was discussed.
Guy: Luke can play the bottles hoohahoohoohoo
Guy: Mole has no friends
Guy: Mole did a gay dance
Mole: Proudly
Spackman is bad at games. Really bad at games.
Mole: SHAME ON YOU
Martin Hall: Mole is looking very good tonight
Lucy: Mole's other name is Mole
THERE IS A MONDAY CLUB TWITTER which has apparently been in existence for months but its creator, Martin Hall decided to keep to himself.
Falex wished it to be known this this was not news to him.
Flying elephants seem to be the favourite.
==========Nathan's Corner=========
"Chris's ponytail is still really gay... and Nathan's penis is still really massive"
"Ironically, the news has not been true since 1963"
21 June 2010
NEWS
- Doggie B returns to Monday; meets Ben Brown for the first time. First impressions?: "Good guy."
- A shocking 70% of Monday Clubbers eating simultaneously.
- Luke admits he'd "quite like to eat a badger." This bold statement is followed by the meat sweats.
- Board Game Night gauntlet THROWN DOWN! Games include:
:: Scrabble
:: Monopoly
:: Risk
:: Battleships
:: Trivial Pursuit
:: (Jenga deemed too childish - We all want to go camping pretty bad...maybe Woolacombe?
Thus concludes the News.
15 June 2010
NEWS
:: Alfresco Monday starts outside, then inside because cigarettes were finished and it was cold.
:: First-timer Sheppy got schooled with the rules fast, he was told he wasn't allowed hot chocolate (see rules) and got told off for eating mini cheddars before finishing his pint of coke.
:: When going inside, the regular table was taken!!! Relocated to a table with "I need pussy" graffiti'd on it. Luke Holloway is looking into who put it there....
:: Sheppy "reads" David Beckhams book at the table. Although probably just looked at the pictures.
:: Pestle and mortar genitals - unwanted friction.
:: MONDAY QUOTE: "Never try to fuck a shark."
:: MONDAY QUOTE: "It's all fannygas."
:: CHRIS KELLY BECOMES A VETERAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Congratulations big man, hell of an effort with the dirty pint which consisted of: 1/2 a pint of Tuborg, small glass of red wine, Morgan's Spiced Rum, Johnnie Walker Black Label, Bombay Sapphire, Ray and Nephew, a crumbled up Polo mint and some peanuts. Good Lad. NICKNAME TO FOLLOW.
:: NEW RULE: If you are working towards becoming a veteran but HAVE to miss a Monday for a holiday etc., a photograph of you with a drink in one hand, and that day's paper in the other will be sufficient evidence to warrant a freeze of 'Mondays-in-a-row-Attended'. Therefore on your return you can pick up where you left off.
:: P-P-P-PICKLEFACE P-P-PICKLEFACE!
:: 10:38pm, regular table frees up! YAAY!
::Saville now called "Small Face." Chris Kelly on the other hand has a regular sized head but an enormous face. And moose hair.
:: Luke's nipple looks like a mouse's nose.
:: Newbie Sheppy votes Monkey Butler.
:: Falex says, after a curry, put a toilet roll in the fridge over night for the resultant "hot poos" it's a life saver!
SEE YOU NEXT TIME!
1 June 2010
World Cup Fantasy Football?
Co-founder Martin Hall has suggested a bit of summer fun! FIFA World Cup Fantasy Football. Go to http://en.mcdonalds.fantasy.fifa.com, sign up and register. You can pick your team from the 4th of June. There is a Monday Club league too, search for "The League of Monday" code: 318842-75041.
There is to be no money changing hands, it's purely fun!
Also, for the benefit of Luke and Guy, football sucks.
25 May 2010
Premier League Predictions RESULTS!
Falex has very kindly worked out the scores:
Here are the Premier League Prediction Results! It was unbelievably close...
In 5th place, the pre-season favourite, BNP! 12pts
4th was rank outsider (after some impossible guesses) Matt! 13pts
In bronze medal position... Doggie B! 14pts
The runner-up, with 15pts, was Spackman!
That just leaves me to announce the winner... ME! :D 16pts! :D
A pretty poor showing from us all considering it was out of 40pts, no one got their star team right and that would have made all the difference. If it had only been on Premier League places then Spax would have one and Matt and I would have been joint last!
A Hollywood ending I know but please feel free to work out the scores yourselves if you don't trust me! :D
Oh and that'll be 5 of her majesty's finest each please :D
12 April 2010
AGM Minutes
Monday Club Annual General Meeting Minutes 10/4/10
Monday Clubbers present: Alex Sherman, Michael Moloney, Luke Holloway, Lee Dunham, Ryan Spackman, Beca Brown, Matt Hardy.
Matt Hardy is a douche
Mole toasts Monday Club
Guy hangs up on AGM, Guy hates Monday Club?
BeNP apologises for his absence, he’s out of the country
“Martin Hall” stitched, but we mention no names
Apologies from Guy and John Monday.
Item #1 – Veterancy Qualification
Generally considered by the group that Veterancy should be slightly harder to achieve. Remains 7 in a row but now it is 20 in total.
Item #2 – A reshuffle of Veterancy Roles
Ryan Spackman to be Technical Correspondent.
Chancellor of the Monday Exchequer. Head of collecting money for dirty pints and money holder in Monday Club bets and wagers.
Matt Hardy is the webmaster. www.monday-club.co.uk
NO LAMINATION EVER!
Item #3 – Expansion Plans
Move around The Savoy?
There has only been bad Monday Clubs if we ventured up the stairs so if required we shall expand to the other corner, where the drunk bitches were.
Item #4 – The Future of Monday Club
-no notes-
Item #5 – The creation of a level beyond Veteran
No level above Veteran but there is clarification of pre-Vet attandees; 'Monday Clubber' (anyone the comes to Monday Club, even for the first time), 'Trooper' (Someone semi-regular but not yet a veteran), then 'Veteran'.
There should be no Monday Club leader ever. But should we aim to get more ethnic minorities?
Item #6 – The creation of an independent state governed by Monday Club
LYDIARD ISLAND TO BE TAKEN THIS YEAR. Details to follow. (raft?)
Item #7 – Camping trip
Wanboro? A man who reportedly owns a pub, reportedly lets a field out for campers and reportedly has the pub open all hours.
Beca Brown’s parents own a caravan
Luke re-introduces an old phrase; “Bagsy”. This to be held in the same regards as “Turn around, touch the ground.”
Item #8 – Reading Festival
Excitement is felt throughout Monday Club.
This will be Falex’s 7th year running. Monday has had a conscious Reading Festival presence for 5 years running.
Everyone should go, but not everyone will.
SPACKMAN MOVING TO LEAMINGTON SPA?!
Most people can’t afford it
Should we go to Bestival? Isle of Wight
Luke Holloway quote of the moment – “I want to dive into some pussy”
Item #9 – A foray into British politics.
Monday Club to take over the world.
Monday Club too racist (not us, the other Monday Club)
Aim for next year’s local elections (2011)
Item #10 – The verification of any rumours on the rumour page
Beca Brown up for MMF FFM 3way.
-BREAKING NEWS- 21:31- Guy calls!!! Doesn't hate Monday Club
Item #11 – The Law of Monday
1. No change
2. No change
3. No change
4. To be rephrased
5. Important – but not technically a law.
6. A) Monday Club Hall of Fame = everyone is special. But BOWG is ace and needs his own story to be told.
b) No change
7. No change
8. No change
9. No change
10. No change
11. No change
12. No more veterancy strikes. However you WILL be frowned upon.
13. No change
Item #12 – The Monday Club philosophy
“Slappa-da-bass.”
Item #13 – Any Other Business
Everyone new to Monday Club will have a picture in the Monday Club Hall of Fame. This also means everyone who doesn’t already.
DEATH ANGELS REJOICE GIG TO BE ANNOUCED SOON.
7 April 2010
NEWS
DIGITAL NEWS: Who needs paper?
Please Note: due to your humble secretary's decision to drink Old Rosie, the news ends here, however there is some interesting news from the way home which shall be presented as a wall post.
- Beca Brown warns everybody at the beginning of the night that tension and controversy were going to come at some point.
- There was a small child at MONDAY CLUB, Falex had to be restrained.
- Guy announces that he will be coming at at some point. Details remain vague.
- BIG NEWS STORY: Monday Club's Fourth Anniversary! Martin Hall is told to prepare a speech but does NAT deliver.
- The epic table reorganisation took place so that everyone could fit around comfortably BECAUSE...
- IT WAS THE BIGGEST MONDAY EVER with a WHOPPING 30 people.
- Cross table conversation was attempted and was mildly successful.
- An attempt to find an all-inclusive conversation topic was sought and, after much deliberation, found:
- FLYING ELEPHANT VS. MONKEY BUTLER? (cast your votes)
- Twenty Fork.
- Star Wars Mistakes.
Please Note: due to your humble secretary's decision to drink Old Rosie, the news ends here, however there is some interesting news from the way home which shall be presented as a wall post.
====AGM ON SATURDAY AT FALEX'S HOUSE====
6 April 2010
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)